Here's some very simple wardrobe advice:
1. WEAR THE RIGHT SIZE CLOTHES. I DO NOT want to see your flub or your a$$ crack.
2. Ladies: if you wear sweatpants or pajama pants IN PUBLIC, I'm gonna just assume you're pregnant, even if you're not. Nobody wants to see fuzzy pink pants with monkeys on them on anyone over the age of 5.
3. Dudes: if you wear sweatpants or pajama pants IN PUBLIC, I'm gonna just assume you're unemployed, even if you're not. The fact that you also won't shave or get a haircut only helps this image develop in my mind. You want women to want you, right? Well I don't want you. Put some jeans on & shave your fuzz, maybe you'll actually get a second look. If you're very lucky.
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Easy Tips To Get Me to Be Pleasant To You
1. Shower. Seriously.
2. Brush your teeth. Seriously.
3. My face is up here, not on my chest (unless you're SMOKIN' HOT, which you likely are not, or you wouldn't be talking to my t**ts).
4. If you want to blow your cigarette smoke at me, please allow me to blast you with wet spritzes of albuterol from my inhaler that I have to use because of people like you.
5. I already know Jesus. I like the Bible. I've been to church. Don't try to tell me to behave differently. This is the United States, I can do what I want religiously, and yes, it includes Jesus and God, but it does NOT include people pushing it on me.
6. If you're over 40, DO NOT FLIRT WITH ME. I DO NOT WANT YOU. YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR ME AND YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
7. Yes, I have a big rack and red hair, so I stand out a little bit. Stop effin' staring at me like I have 2 heads. Especially if you have a glass eye & a bobbly head. YOU are the freak in that case, not me. I'm not a pretty lady, but I'm also not a f***in' freak. Go rim yourself.
2. Brush your teeth. Seriously.
3. My face is up here, not on my chest (unless you're SMOKIN' HOT, which you likely are not, or you wouldn't be talking to my t**ts).
4. If you want to blow your cigarette smoke at me, please allow me to blast you with wet spritzes of albuterol from my inhaler that I have to use because of people like you.
5. I already know Jesus. I like the Bible. I've been to church. Don't try to tell me to behave differently. This is the United States, I can do what I want religiously, and yes, it includes Jesus and God, but it does NOT include people pushing it on me.
6. If you're over 40, DO NOT FLIRT WITH ME. I DO NOT WANT YOU. YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR ME AND YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
7. Yes, I have a big rack and red hair, so I stand out a little bit. Stop effin' staring at me like I have 2 heads. Especially if you have a glass eye & a bobbly head. YOU are the freak in that case, not me. I'm not a pretty lady, but I'm also not a f***in' freak. Go rim yourself.
Friggin Seriously Stupid Permasmilers
Listen, permasmile people: KNOCK IT THE EFF OFF.
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A VIBE IN YOUR HINEY, and I'm gonna just go around assuming you do. WIPE THE EFFIN' SMIRK OFF YOUR EFFIN' FACE, YOU ARE CREEPING EVERYONE OUT!!!!
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE A VIBE IN YOUR HINEY, and I'm gonna just go around assuming you do. WIPE THE EFFIN' SMIRK OFF YOUR EFFIN' FACE, YOU ARE CREEPING EVERYONE OUT!!!!
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