1. Shower. Seriously.
2. Brush your teeth. Seriously.
3. My face is up here, not on my chest (unless you're SMOKIN' HOT, which you likely are not, or you wouldn't be talking to my t**ts).
4. If you want to blow your cigarette smoke at me, please allow me to blast you with wet spritzes of albuterol from my inhaler that I have to use because of people like you.
5. I already know Jesus. I like the Bible. I've been to church. Don't try to tell me to behave differently. This is the United States, I can do what I want religiously, and yes, it includes Jesus and God, but it does NOT include people pushing it on me.
6. If you're over 40, DO NOT FLIRT WITH ME. I DO NOT WANT YOU. YOU'RE TOO OLD FOR ME AND YOU'RE CREEPING ME OUT.
7. Yes, I have a big rack and red hair, so I stand out a little bit. Stop effin' staring at me like I have 2 heads. Especially if you have a glass eye & a bobbly head. YOU are the freak in that case, not me. I'm not a pretty lady, but I'm also not a f***in' freak. Go rim yourself.
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